I think there's a shift taking place in my psyche. After 5 years of being a 'mom' I think I'm finally developing into a Mother. I couldn't say quite where the split is but I know it's there, I can feel it. Maybe it was the book "I Was A Really Good Mother Before I Had Kids"' that helped to assuage the guilt of the reluctant mother in me. Maybe it's the routine I've established with Bea that's helping me to get to know her more and feel our bond strengthening. Maybe it's tap class? room-mothering at her school? Disneyland?
When I went to wake Bea up for school this morning I took one look at her and knew she was coming down with something. I made the decision to keep her home from school and Dave backed me up. There's just something not quite right with her, a slight cough, a runny nose, but there's something deeper as well and I felt that if I sent her to school today it would just coax out whatever deeper sickness is running through her. So now she sleeps in her pink room in hopes of getting back 'in the pink'.
So from whence does this new-found sense of responsibility come? Is it part of the Change? Was God preparing for a deeper motherhood or is the Motherhood in itself a preparation?