Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Today I failed to protect my child. My motherly reach, which I've always believed to extend as far as B will ever go, came up short. In fact, it must have stopped just outside the gates of her school this morning. Where was I when she fell off the playground? Not there. And now the once whole and untouched, perfect little girl has been spoiled. A broken arm. Simply that. But so much more because suddenly everything is strange and backwards. And I'm sick. With regret and what-ifs. Sick with anger and frustration. And saddened, horribly, by the pained sobs of a tiny girl that I'm supposed to preserve.
Today I failed. But tomorrow is another day.


bananie said...

oh my friend, i am so so so sorry that bea hurt herself and that you feel so terribly guilty about it.

you did not fail her. i know it is hard to believe right now (and i will need you to reassure me of this someday as well) but as long as you are there to help her heal, you protect her. you remind her that she has a safe nest to heal. gravity may have failed her. or a piece of playground equipment. but you, wonderful mama, did not fail.

praying for the quick healing of bea's arm and your heart.

i love you.

DawnaHartman said...

shannon - what your dear friend just wrote is exactly right.

you are a wonderful mom.

ps. maybe it was that hot california sun that burned the monkey bars, and it was like "ouch! too hot."

Anonymous said...

What Mothers Cannot Do (a poem for mothers)
by Ruth Bell Graham

Lord, in this frenzied puttering around the house, see more!

The dusting, straightening, muttering, are but the poor efforts of a heavy heart to help time pass.

Praying on my knees I get uptight;
for hearts and lives are not the only things that need to be put right.

And, while I clean, please, if tears should fall, they’re settling the dust, — that’s all.

Lord, I will straighten all I can and You
— take over what we mothers cannot do.

I am sure that cast will be the sickest sleeve cast any little girl has ever had!

God Bless,