Monday, November 28, 2011

Is It Just Me?

I have a hang up. Well, I have several, but this post isn't about extreme organization or obsessive compulsive disorders that involve being depressed over the state of a Christmas tree because I let my daughter help hang ornaments and they're not in the right places. Wait...where am I? Oh, right, my hang up.

I have a constant, daily, hourly need to feel useful. It's definitely gotten more severe as I've gotten older, but lately it seems as though I'm not happy with myself if I'm not washing dishes, folding laundry, making dinner, or um...blogging? Sure, blogging. If I sit down to read a magazine with a cup of coffee my eyes just wash over the pages while my brain keeps making lists of all the things that need to be done. If I sit down to read a book and D comes out of the office I immediately start making excuses for why I'm sitting down. I know in my heart that he doesn't care if I sit down to take a break. As a matter of fact, and he's told me this multiple times, he likes to see me taking time out for myself. So why can't I do it with a clear conscience? No really, help me readers. Do other women feel this way, too? Do any of you feel unworthy if you're not bustling around the house until the kids are in bed? Do you sit down for a break only to start scanning the room for hidden projects? I seriously need to know if this is common (which I secretly believe) or if it's a neuroticism that only plagues me. Write back, let me know. I'll be in the kitchen doing the dishes, and prepping dinner, and making tomorrow's lunch and coffee, and ironing clothes.

ps. This is my favorite:


Kate Snow said...

Yes yes and yes. Which explains exactly why I'm still sick because I was supposed to come home and lay on the couch today at 2:00 and it's 5:00. Oh, what am I doing? Uploading and organizing photos. It's not just you.

Recreation Station said...

It's not just you! Although I've improved in this area, I still have a constant feeling that I haven't done enough. This feeling bleeds into every part of my life; work, home, relationships, etc. I'm not really sure where it comes from but I know many women who struggle with this feeling. It's not easy, but I'm trying to take seriously God's commandment to rest. It's so necessary.

karoline said...

not just you. not at all. i'm like this, too. and am also sadly known to make certain very important people in my life nervous or edgy because of my "tick-tock, i can't stop" way of doing things.

Debbie Q said...

It is just you... Just kidding but really girls chill a little. Your value lies in much more than how efficient you are. It is in who you are, who you care about. It is ok to chill in front of the tv and recline on a chair reading anything even something that is not well written. Your value lies in how much you love. Not how perfect or efficient you are and Shannon do not correct my sentence. : ) All of you are awesome women who care for their families and hopefully not perfectly. Perfect women don't exist and that is a good thing, so let your brain and body rest