Wednesday, March 31, 2010

sadness, saddest

B's watching Myth Busters, I'm stewing in self pity over my 4 day sore throat and (as of this morning) laryngitis. Laryngitis for me is usually an indicator of high stress levels.
Micah and Nat are moving to Dana Point on Saturday and it's been an exercise in self control for me to not chain myself to their garage door. There are so many more emotions, so much confusion and turmoil surrounding losing our best friends of 5 years. We recently did a picture swap with them. We transferred our digital photos to their hard drive and vice versa. Over the last 5 years we have accumulated 3300 photos to give them, and we received about the same amount from them. A friendship well lived. But a little depressing nonetheless. It's hard to not feel 'left behind' and a little confused about 'what do we do now?' I look out my kitchen window to their back yard and think how soon I won't have a connection anymore. I won't see Elsie in her swing or Don sniffing the grass. I won't be able to take leftovers or baked goods or borrow a dress at the last minute. If I'm going to be honest with myself (and all of blogdom) I have to admit that I feel abandoned. But only for a few minutes at a time. And then I remember my community; the gym and the school and my church. And my most best friend, D.
This morning, first thing, even as we were both sleep encrusted and my throat was killing me, we made a joke and had a laugh as we hugged good morning. It was wonderful, and just what I needed to get through another day.
Recently D has encouraged me a lot in my walk with God. Especially going through this tough time of losing our friends. (I keep saying "losing," but I should say for the record that they will only be about 40 minutes away) D has been gently reminding me to do my daily devotions and has given me gems of advice including praying daily for the day itself rather than what I usually do, which is to pray for everything and everything I can think of that might be a problem. But asking for God's grace just to weather the day has been doing wonders for my ability to get through each day.

Yesterday we received news from home concerning extended family. My sister-in-law's sister and her husband lost their newborn baby in childbirth. The gravity of their "unknowable grief" as my friend called it, filled our home from room to room and corner to corner. It's unimaginable and my heart just breaks for them.

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